I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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