I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
