I'm eating all of the evidence.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I supernannyed him into submission
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
