one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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