She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
