FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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