she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
