Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
