I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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