There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
