tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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