This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
