Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
