take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
