new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
