I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
