Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
