i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
