the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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