I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
