God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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