i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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