Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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