You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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