too bad you live with your parents still
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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