I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
