And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
