You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
