kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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