Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
