Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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