he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
what day is it and did you see me today?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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