dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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