I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
