Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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