Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
