you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
