Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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