dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
