and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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