you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just high enough for therapy.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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