Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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