It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
