I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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