Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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