the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
