I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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