Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
