whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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