I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
